|Here's to new beginnings and ending in bliss.
||[Apr. 1st, 2011|08:13 pm]
(a.k.a. Deoxyribonucleic Awesome)
I had a moment back there. A moment, I’d later recognize, that a lot of influential people in my life have experienced, perhaps in their own way, but nonetheless… I had to stop and think my way out of a terrible possibility. I think I’ve done it, and this is pretty much exactly what happened. To me, the future has had it’s moments of clarity and doubt both. In manifesting destiny, one reality precludes the existence of another. I’m talking about loss; the realization of one dream can only come at the expense of the myriad other pursuits that would dominate a life. I guess it could only ever be this way, but I’m the type of person that dwells on the universally significant. In love this holds true - “I want you” I’ll say, “forever and no other”. In life this holds true. One look at me and where I’m at right now and it’s pretty plain to see. Guess who’s engaged in a never ending transnational conflict? This guy. And then I point to my fucking self. Awesome. Once I had an argument prepared for the hopeless. One day on a beach in some far away place I was thinking about how great life was and how lucky I was just to be there at that moment to experience the beauty and the peace and the serenity that those hours held for me. I can’t even begin to describe how important my time there was. I was so thankful to be there. It was one of those days full of elation and devoid of despair you file deep into the recesses of your mind because you know it’s going to slide by way too quick. It’s all too brief, you think the next day. I could have been anywhere else at that moment, but I was there and I watched the sunset and I took that picture and had that drink and kissed that girl. Days like that are so precious and precariously perched atop days of misery and failure. I don’t know what it is about some people and some ideas but if maybe one day I could show them a bit of my life I think it would change them. Terrible things are done every day around me. I’ve been that guy once or thrice. I don’t want any part of it ever again. There’s not enough days ending in bliss to justify some of the things we do to each other and ourselves, primarily. I suppose that’s a better place to start. I get bothered sometimes because I don’t have it all figured out. I’m living year to year and taking leaps and cutting corners chasing one dream after another without any real resolution besides “try to smile every day and see if you can make someone else happy too”. In the end that might be the only thing no one can really take away. I hope it never comes to that, though. So I caught myself off guard, you know… eventually I’ll settle… I mean… maybe - who knows, right? But I know I’ll be happy… I wouldn’t have it any other way. Can someone puzzle themselves? ‘Cause I think that just happened… I’m rambling. Gah… I think it’s about time I woke up somewhere new, though. That’s all I’m sayin’…|